My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
