I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
