You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
