Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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