you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
