Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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