I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
