I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
