oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
