11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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