Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
