Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
