Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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