She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
