I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
