Kiss
Puke
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
