shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
