from now on my penis is your penis
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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