Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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