I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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