Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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