I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
