I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
