Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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