call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
my liver is dry heaving
YAS. BRING CRAB.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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