Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
