After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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