You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
