There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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