Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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