and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
