At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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