Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
