we have officially lost it.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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