I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
