oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize