i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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