I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
