Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
