So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
