I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
