New low: just hacked my moms facebook
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
