Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
