he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
