also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
