I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
