I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
