thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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