She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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