I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
