im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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