She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
