Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
