No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
