Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
