The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
