people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
