I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize