i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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