i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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