the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
