EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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