He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize