I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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