I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
