I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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