Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
