We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
