Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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