I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
