No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
