why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
