fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
