so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
MIDGETS
????
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
