I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
