i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize