ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
