the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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