I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
