in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
