he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
