Some one left their pants in the elevator.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
