How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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