dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
