Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
