I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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