We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
