There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
