Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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