You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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