2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
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