either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize