Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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