I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
